Reader Alone and Blindsided writes:

Well, we've been dating for over four years. Moved into our new place last July. Things were great. Then she got new friends, and started going to bars a lot. Very sneaky. I took a new job 45 minutes away. I didn't do well, and struggled with money. I found she was texting multiple different guys. She became very distant. I was suspicious and looked at her phone and set it up so her texts were coming to my phone and I was the one texting other guys as her. And she then apologized to THEM not me, for what I did... and this was in January.

Since then we got back and started to be good again. First Sunday of March was totally fine. Monday it was over. She moved all of her stuff out never when I was home like she can't face me. This all came about when she started hanging out with one girl. She can't see it. These four years have been the greatest years of my life. I was supposed to ask her to marry me in February but canceled our trip to Mexico because of the January incident. She doesn't even respond to anything I do, flowers, hand written notes, texts, calls. Does she just need time? To see what this "bar" life is all about... I love her to much and she does to. I just don't know what to do. Been a week since I have talked to her...

Dear AAB,

I'm sorry this has been so hard for you. Unfortunately, this doesn't sound like a very healthy relationship. First she was sneaking behind your back texting other guys, but then instead of openly confronting her, you started texting with them pretending to be her. Neither of you are dealing with your conflict in open ways. It seems like a lot of game playing.

I think that you and your girlfriend both need some more life experience before settling down. Right now, she has left, so please try not to contact her anymore. She is making her feelings known by not returning your calls or messages, and her boundaries are clear. Perhaps she wants to explore other things, like being single for a while. You sound to me like you're in your 20s, so if you've been together for four years, that's a lot of her adult life. Maybe she wants to hang out with friends and date around. That is her choice, although I am sorry it is painful for you. But now, you have to respect her desire to be single. It is time to try and heal from this relationship and see what lessons you have learned that can help you in the future.

One lesson may be that you need to be forthright and honest within relationships. If you suspect that someone is cheating, ask them, and if you're not satisfied with the answer, then decide whether or not you want to stay. Hacking into someone's phone and redirecting their texts is not a mature or helpful way to deal with suspicion. It will only add fuel to the fire, and make a partner think of you as unstable. Also, it is possible that you are drawn to dramatic relationships. If you witnessed any volatility in relationships growing up, this may subconsciously impact your choice of partner and how you interact within intimate relationships. Read more about this idea here.

If you find yourself unable to stop contacting your ex-girlfriend, and you still struggle with ruminating and obsessing about what happened, it would be a good idea to contact a therapist who can help you through the grief of this breakup. Four years is a long time, so you need to process and deal with your sorrow. There is no shame in seeking support.

Good luck, and till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says I Had No Idea Phones Could Even Do That.